am i ready?

So for last few months I went through what is called a whoring phase... i fucked as many girls as I could. Now most men would be happy, and I know my dad would be, is proud of me, the thing is I am not. I dont know, but I am wired different from most men. Besides the physical satisfaction i got out of it, and that is up for debate, I got nothing out of it. Total emptiness. The only joy is a simple knowledge that i fucked more women in the last 3 months then I did in my previous 32 years. Hell i got more ass in the last few months then i probably did in the last 3 years...

So for those few poor souls who have been around me when I found the courage to set my self free from my previous life know the pain I went through.. Well not pain, but emotional roller coaster, to instability, the loss of all logic. You also saw my return to normal. I am finally able to drink again and be happy, I am able to make jokes, I am my happy person that I used to be.

So some time back I met this girl... The funny thing about that meet was that I wanted to cancel that date cause the visit with dr.D took a lot out of me, but for some reason I decided to go through with it... figure if its like the one I had few days back ill just figure a way out and go home. Well 3 hours into the date the last thing i wanted was to go home, but now i am getting of point.

This girl asked me, and she was not the first, "you just moved out, you just ended your 12 year relationship" do you think you are ready to start another?

good question... but for the first time I can say YES!!!! I dont think i was made to whore around, from conquest to conquest... I want somebody to come home to. Change that to I need somebody to come home to. I need somebody that will make me want to be a better person....

I spent months hurting, but I can compartmentalize, I can burry feelings, which i did for a long time, which is what got me into this mess. But i stopped doing that. I blogged, I see a shrink, I talk to friends about my issues. I dug my self out of the whole that was me. I returned to ME. My heart is finally whole and ready to love again... I know that I take a risk of being hurt again, but I dont give a shit, I out on an hunt, but this time its not for pussy, its for a partner in crime.

Alea iacta est.....