Fire

So I go to therapy every Monday. I love the concept, I pay money to talk.. and oh boy do I talk. In few months that I have been going I have told this poor lady more then I have told anybody in the family. She knows more about me, then anybody alive. She is the only person who I tell EVERYTHING and not just that, I tell her the whole truth of what I feel and how I feel. My parents level of judgmentalness and desire to nit pick everything, and my moms mentality is such that over the years i clammed up. So to finally have a neutral 3d party to talk to is, well, is great. Anyway this is not were i want to take this post.

Durring this session we talked about my bucket list, my desires, how everybody thinks they know me better then i do, and then I got into the topic of playing with fire. I told her that there is something that I want. But I know that it would be playing with fire, but I dont care because I want to get burned, that I am willing to take the burn.

I expected her to talk me out of it, to tell me I was wrong, to tell me how stupid I was, cause it was what my mom would do. Instead she said, how sure are you that you want it. She told me if I can honestly answer to my self "Does the risk of pain out weight the reward then you should not deny your self, because your have been denying your self everything up until now"

wow... I guess its worth the money I pay.